Hello! I am now a married woman! More posts to come!! BYE!

My life changes completely in three days. In three days, I commit the rest of my life to love and honor Brian Patrick Packert. In three days, all I know about holiness will change. All I know about who Jesus is will be transformed even more. My entire life is going to change. In three days, I commit to be refined even deeper than I am now. In three days, there is no turning back. As I look upon the future- all the unknowns, I am filled with so much excitement, peace and anxiety. I got an amazing job offer and accepted last week. My role has changed. I graduated from grad school and moved home from Canton, Ohio where I spent the past 4 years of my life. My role has changed. Amen.

Dependent.

Life is a struggle lately.
I feel like I am up and down every other moment.
So much suffering.
So much brokenness.
Despite this whirlwind of chaos, I am so grateful for a God who is unwavering and still Is.
In the midst of my ever changing emotions and circumstances, He never changes and is still chasing and pursuing this wrecked heart of mine.
It boggles my mind that I would be deserving of such love.
I know a few things for sure:
I need people.
I am dependent on relationship.
I am not ashamed to admit that.
I can not do this alone.
We were not designed to.
I am loved.
By a God who relentlessly lavishes his love on me, and by a man who exemplifies the love of Christ daily to me- despite my frailty.
I need grace.
I fall and will continue to fall- but I know that the hands that hold the world and designed me are the hands I am falling into.

Amen.

change

As I sit at the Starbucks Brian and I had our first date at, ironically across the street from the Bravo we dined at after he asked me to marry me and as Damien Rice, Delicate, plays on the Starbucks speakers, I am astounded at how much has changed in my life in the past year or so. I have fallen into this kind of love that I do not deserve. I have been captivated by a man who pursues me, chases after me despite my efforts to run and push away- a man who teaches me who Jesus is every single day. It boggles my mind that such love is possible. Don't get me wrong, we of all people understand that relationships are work- and there are going to be days when you have to choose to love the other- but something deep within me tells me it's worth it. It's worth it to reveal yourself to someone. It's worth it to show the ugly places of your heart to the man who guides your world. Its hard, yes. Its work, yes. Its emotionally draining some days, absolutely. But somehow, even that is worship. Even that is beautiful and rich and valuable.

Praise be to God.

26

I've always been the reflective type.
But now- being that I just turned 26 33 minutes ago, I feel even more reflective on the past year.
The ups and the downs.
In my 25th year of life I:
dealt and walked through the death and trauma of finding one of our dear friends dead along side of a homeless camp where we volunteered
took dating Brian Packert more seriously and got engaged to him
gained new family
started and completed my practicum at the elementary schools
started my high school internship
fully engulfed myself in my school counseling program
spent a lot of time with the middle school youth group at my church
had endless laughs and tickle fights with two amazing children
saw them grow up from babies to children
embraced my position as a leon family member
watched those that i love, hurt
became more organized and diligent about taking control of who laura is
became into myself, unashamedly
In my 26th year of life I hope to:
marry the man my heart was created for
make good decisions
be intentional in my relationships
finish out my last year of grad school, strong
plan a wedding
be a positive role model for the hs/ms students at my internship
make my middle schoolers feel loved
be active in abbi and noahs life
know Jesus more
know grace more
love deeper
love free-er
become more thankful and less wanting.

May I know Christ dwelling within me more, and less of me.

abondant grace

God provides for his people.
i am absolutely sure of it.
and he provides and chases after me even when i feel so far away or so undeserving.
what a beautiful god.

thankful for:
community
love
providence
the ability to love two beautiful children during the day
and 4 wonderful people in the evenings.
middle schoolers
being shown grace daily by the man i will soon call my husband
and knowing that every moment i am being made new.

people.

i just found my old LiveJournal and Xanga accounts from highschool into college.
i put so much of my worth, my happiness, my joy into the hands of the people in my life.
it saddens me.
every post early on was "i am so happy- i have the best people in the world in my life".
people. people. people.
and to think that almost 10 years later, i'd come to know this King who holds my worth.
this King who pursues me even as i sleep.
this King who, even as i push away or decide not to look into His eyes, never turns his face away.
and to think that throughout all those years, my friends loving me, was simply a glimpse of the love i would come to know.
amen.