remembering

Goodness, it's been forever. I was talking to a friend today and decided that I want to pick this back up again but more centered around my day and what I did- things that stuck out, thoughts that crossed my mind, and the like. Honestly I think back ten years ago when I was about to turn 15 and all I could remember was my mom being sick, Tim's mom dying, and being mad that my parents wouldnt let me tan like Kelsey's parents did. That makes me so sad- not that my parents wouldnt let me tan but that as the years keep picking up, my memory keeps getting rid of precious moments. Thus, I will blog. Given, I'm not expecting anyone to read this and to be quite honest, I'm not expecting anything monumental or moving to come from anything I write. I just want to remember. I want to remember the little moments of my life where I was caught in awe. Or even the moments when I've had it with myself. So, here's to remembering!
My day was good- layed in bed for about 10 minutes trying to talk myself into going to the gym. Thats how it works with me- I push the snooze button on my phone and sleep for 5 more minutes, then I lay in bed for 5 more checking my email, Facebook, or texting my workout buddies in order to get myself awake. After the initial 10 minutes, I'm golden. Had a good work-out. Did the bike and elliptical. I study while I work out but for some reason recently I've been getting awful headaches and so all throughout my work-out I played optometrist and diagnosed myself with eye problems. My conclusion (any any real life optomotrists can help me out on this): I think that when I'm bouncing up and down on the elliptical or arc-trainer yet at the same time trying to get my eyes to focus in on the power point text, it confuses the muscles in my eyes, thus, my eyes have weakened and have a harder time focusing in on things resulting in headaches. I mean in all honesty, that sounds legit, right? Its like our muscles are pieces of gum and the more you stretch it or bounce it back and forth, the weaker they get. So, if my eyeballs fall out of my head due to my studying while working out, that 4.0 will be worth every second. It better be, at least!
The day with the kids was wonderful. I can't tell you how many times I just stop myself and realize how precious my moments with them are. Today, (actually most days) I especially cherished waking them up after nap. Today Manav was the only one that slept- but waking him up is one of the most precious, sweet, and peaceful times of our days. Today I hopped in bed with him and just whispered his name. His eyes popped open and he just layed there and smiled then asked to be in my "goty" (Hindi for arms I think?--I've become quite fluent in the little Hindi words that my kids speak). During nap, Anisha read to me. Yes, she just turned 4 and yes, shes reading. I know, shes brilliant. Before nap we went to the park with Cami, Arya, and Anjali then walked around the Jackson fair. It wasn't open yet, but it was cool just to walk around and see everything before the action began. It was seriously straight out of a movie and I can't help but wonder how many people fell in love there or have held hands and had butterflies in their stomachs as they were walking up and down ignoring the rest of the world. So, the rest of the afternoon was spent outside because it was BEAUTIFUL. We went on a nice long walk- which I love to do- seriously the best conversation with them happens when they are in their stroller, undistracted. Today Anisha told me that I was going to be the flower girl in her wedding when she turned 30. She also said that shes not going to get a cell phone until shes 40. Kids, take note.
After work I came home to let the dog out and just laid around and watched an episode of The Office. I took a killer exam last night and always try to not do homework or study the day after class but nope, after laying around I got all my assignments completed for the week (because I have a BUSY BUSY weekend and will have no time at all except for studying) then went to AA.
Why AA you ask? For classes a lot of the time our professors will require us to go to multiple groups such as AA or NA. Honestly, I was scared out of my mind to go. I thought of every excuse not to. But, I fought against that resistance and went because I had to and knew that I would find what grace and redemption looked like in such a new way. So, I walked in after having some pep-talks with Robyn, Andrew, Paige, and Heather, spotted the seat I wanted to sit in, and made a beeline straight to it. Sat down and met all the loads of people who were coming up to me and introducing themselves. Let me just tell you- I have always said that my friends on the streets have what the "church" should look like down- but so do the people in AA. This was their "church". The community, the honesty, the struggles, the accountability, the questions and brokeness, the laughter, the looking each other in the eye and saying "I know". They have it down. It really made me want a church like that. A church where I can walk in and not have it all together yet still be okay. That was their grace. And each one of them were grace for each other. Some of them go to 6 or 7 meetings a week just for their grace. They are each others strengths. It was such a beautiful hour. Secretly, I wish I could go back week after week and hear each of their stories and get to know them more. Needless to say, I'll have a hard time writing the paper for this assignment because I honestly can't find the right words that can do justice for what that did to my heart. I am so thankful for AA for each one of them. I am a firm believer.
After AA, I came back, sat on my front porch with my dog, watched the fireflies, and just processed which led me to now.
Well, hopefully I wont write this much everyday- I can't imagine myself looking back on these a year from now wanting to read a 5 paragraph theme!
See you all tomorrow!

“God refuses to be an object for attachment because God desires full love, not addiction. Love born of true freedom, love free from attachment, requires that we search for a deepening awareness of God, just as God freely reaches out to us. In addition, full love for God means we must turn to God over and against other things. If our choice of God is to be made with integrity, we must first have felt other attractions and chosen, painfully, not to make them our gods” -Gerald G. May, Addiction & Grace