questions, helplessness, sovereignty.

shouldnt all the questions lead you closer to God
why do i feel so far away
i hate not having answers
and i know its all a mental thing
and i know that God hasnt moved
he's still on his throne reigning supreme
and feelings are deceptive
because as good as it is to "feel" god, really its the committment that He's desiring of me.
i just feel like my heart has been so shaken up in the past few weeks
and standing answerless makes me feel helpless
but i always have to remind myself that its in the answerless, weakness, and helplessness that the beauty resounds.
thats when grace takes over
"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power, is made PERFECT in weakness" (2 Corin 12:9)
and thats been my daily grace
not knowing
yet knowing that he is King of the world
and he, even though feels so far away, is closer than ever.
and thats my truth
and thats what ill hold onto until this passes.
we, especially i, get so caught up in feeling feeling feeling
and i tell people this time and time again; its not always about the feelings- satan really uses them
but now i have to hold onto what i offter others and believe what i say
and i need to take a deep breath and be still and rest in the silence of his soverignty.
because he's never left.
he still is "I am"
getting to that place of absolute silence is difficult
my mind runs in so many differant places
yet i long for it.
i long for whats found in that silence.
i long for my desperation back.
im desperate for my desperation?
but he leaves us His peace.
and i choose to hold onto it.
because he's overcome the world.
and He is and I'm not.