hello!
its been a long, long time, i know.
im sorry!!
life just comes at you fast!
whats been going on in my life?
a lot of hurting.
a lot of facing things that i need to face.
a lot of lamenting.
ive been doing a lot of studying in the book of lamentations.
about the lady who just wanted to be heard.
and how she spoke words to what the rest of the world was silencing.
we, as a culture, dont know how to deal with the pain and hurt that we are all carrying inside our hearts.
so we deny it, silence it, and walk forward.
wherever we hide that hurt, it always comes out one way or another.
so im choosing to put words to my pain.
to feel my pain.
to experience the fullness of the questions that come about when loosing someone to suicide.
as hard as it is and as much as i don't want to, i'm choosing to feel it all.
im not going to hide anymore.
i will be better because of it.
and one thing i know for sure- i have an amazing, amazing group of friends and family who daily show me what it talks about in exodus when moses would win a battle as long as he kept his arms raised ...then he grew tired and coundt stand up alone...so aaron came up along side of him and held his arms up for him when he couldnt do it alone.
daily people are holding my arms up for me.
how precious.
i was reading in Galatians the other day- the verse about carrying each others troubles really stuck out to me.
it goes both ways.
i need to allow people to carry my hurt with me.
i need to let people in to do this with me.
that's so hard for me.
i don't want to be a burden.
i need to let myself need help from other people.
there is so much power and healing in allowing someone to hurt with you.
i don't want you to read this and be like oh poor laura- because thats not it at all.
im am reclaiming my joy.
i know joy.
i know happiness.
my heart is steadfast.
my life is beautiful.
im just embracing what has been shut away for a while.
and somehow, thats good.
somehow, god looks at my brokeness and calls it beauty.
i will find that.
i am not alone.
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