so i looked at my past entries and realize that they havent been too uplifting by any means.
i promise you im not that girl thats depressed and down all the time.
i know what joy is and i know how blessed i truely am- through every season and circumstance.
my life is beautiful- even when its trying and pressing on every side.
the beauty is in the moments where ive hit rock bottom and dont even have the energy to pick myself up again.
the beauty is the God that is sustaining me who is the one that is giving me the strength to even just exist through those hard times.
i was downtown with my friends tonight and asked a few of them what they were thankful for.
i almost felt so cliche to ask them around thanksgiving- thanksgiving is a time to give thanks but every day should be a new thanksgiving.
anyways, every single person i asked said "that I'm alive"
and i got to thinking
even in my worst, darkest, trying hour, when was the last time that i thanked God that I was alive?
and then i felt incredibly selfish.
honestly i hated going down there tonight knowing that tomorrow ill be having more than enough to eat ,with my loving family, in my huge heated house and they will still be freezing, on the back alleys of columbus, lonely with no family to care or love them, and starving.
remind me where the dignity is in someone spending thanksgiving alone.
show me the dignity in my friend timmy who came up to me tonight with tears streaming down his face saying that he is so thankful that his family is safe, healthy, loved, and doing well and goes on to tell me how much he loves them even though they refuse to come and get him for thanksgiving dinner? or to take him in and get him help for his alcoholism?
i think we forget to notice and give value to the every single moment miracles that are happening all around us
when we pray, and God answers- regardless how big or small that may be- thats a miracle in itself.
God is still moving
He is alive NOW.
and he hears us.
thats something i still cant wrap my mind around.
thank goodness i cant.
i mess up
i mess up constantly
but i serve this everlasting God
who will never fail me
who will never not take me back
who will never cease to lavish his love on me.
it doesnt make sense to me.
me? love ME? what?
but somehow i have to let that love in.
he is ernestly chasing after my heart
and wont give up or let down.
thats the god i serve.
what are you thankful for today?
ive thought a lot about what i'm thankful for.
and honestly i cant just limit it to one specific thing.
im thankful for the way my life has been turned upside down since getting to know my friends downtown.
im thankful for being broken beyond comprehension
im thankful for my family who shows me the characteristics of Jesus time after time
im thankful for this God who loves me even when i want to quit
im thankful for grace.
im thankful for the hard times that still continue to refine and shape me
im thankful for people in my life who challenge me constantly
im thankful for love
im thankful for the ability to even be thankful
the list could go on and on
what would our lives look like if we were to live in a constant thankful state?
i want to be more aware of that.