i will stumble but i will get up.

its been years! : )
well, where am i?
good question.
sometimes i dont even know.
what i do know is that im packing up and moving to canton, ohio in two months.
im starting my grad program in three weeks.
im not moving there til october because i need time to wrap things up here.
i need to prepare my heart to leave everything that im invest in.
i think the thing thats going to tear me up the most are my friends downtown.
i couldn't even tell jim.
i couldnt find the words.
but i know that ill have people in canton to love too- so im just going to try to remember that.
for now?
what else do i know for certain?
god's been providing.
he always does.
even when im so stubborn and try to shove into a corner what he's tell me to do, he always gets my attention somehow.
im on a mission to find peace prevailing on earth.
there has to be peace somewhere.
i believe it.
i know the most amazing and encouraging people in the world.
leaving them is going to be really tough.
i stumbled a lot.
screwed up last night.
i knew what i was doing the whole time.
i just gave way to it.
but then theres grace.
and i learned.
satan knows my buttons- thats for sure.
but im going to tell him who my god is.
what else?
i am surrounded by a group of brothers who really know what it is to respect and encourage me.
im the luckiest girl in the world.
i dont know how im going to leave this.
if im being honest, i don't necessarily want to go to canton.
if i had it my way i would commute one night a week.
but
for some reason God's calling me there.
which is exciting- to go to a place where no one knows my name.
to re-invent myself.
to show the world who i am.
thats huge.
i have the best job in the world even though some days it doesnt feel that way.
im starting a "grieving a suicide" support group on wednesday.
you know, i'd say that im doing well in my healing process- but at the same time somedays i feel like im back to day one.
so i think being in an environment where people understand my "creeping up" moments will bring a lot more healing.
two years seems like such a long time, yet it still seems just like yesterday.
my sister and i are becoming friends.
we have been for a while now- but its to the point where i enjoy spending time with her.
i have an amazing family, thats for sure.
my cousin's rock.
my friends downtown have been teaching me a lot lately.
i can't pen-point it word for word- but give me some time and ill digest it some more.
well, i need to get to bed.
im a young professional and wake up at 6:50 every morning.
i hope things are well in your heart as you read this.
thank you for influencing my life.
llc